I was a teenage talent strangler."
by Laurel E. Anderson
Okay, that’s not the real story but it sure did catch your eye, the title-right?
But the story is really about me, not quite a teenager anymore, and, my friend Paul Anka. And hey, that's Mr. Anka to you! I'm fresh back from an unbelievable four days in Canada's entertainment capital, Toronto. So much to whisper and tell that I can't even remember it all! I was in Toronto to work on the 2005 Canadian Walk of Fame and before anyone else asks me what this is, including fellow Canadians (shame on you for not knowing and more shame for asking and not just pretending to know more about your own country and its entertainment culture), it’s the equivalent of a Hollywood star, but in Canada and with a cooler temperature and usually, not as much smog!
Okay, so I had the very important job of taking care of one of Canada's biggest stars ever (also an Ottawa native), Paul Anka. Officially, my title was Talent Wrangler for Mr. Anka and I took the role seriously. I prepared for this job by researching Mr. Anka and all he has done; the singing, the song writing and the royalties that head his way every time the theme song to ‘The Tonight Show’ airs as well as watching lots of 'bucky, bucky' rodeo-you know, for the wrangling part. Would I need to know how to lasso Mr. Anka to stage for rehearsal and would I need to do it in less than five minutes? I didn’t know and felt that I should be prepared for anything! Did you know that there is an entire television station devoted to rodeo? Yee haw! I kid you not.
I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn't a bit nervous to meet Mr. Anka-he’s so much bigger than life. But my fears were unfounded as he was a class act and very gracious. He’s a seasoned veteran who’s worked hard and hasn’t forgotten his start in the business by any means and while both polished and sophisticated, I found him very down to earth.
I’m waiting to meet and greet Mr. Anka and in true show business fashion, it’s now hurry up and wait time like no other, even more than when I worked on Canadian Idol and so I took time to do a last minute check on Mr. Anka’s dressing room before his arrival for rehearsal. The room is immaculate with an inviting décor and refreshments and as I close the door behind me I can hear on my radio that Mr. Anka is on route and so I head outside to wait with the paparazzi and fans, for Mr. Anka to arrive
When he does arrive, Mr. Anka is gracious and discerning. Impeccably dressed and looking fit and tanned, I introduce myself, letting him know that I’m there to make everything work and help in whatever way he needs. His is genuine in his greeting and before you know it, after a few autographs and photo ops, we’re inside and ready to go.
Ottawa’s favourite hometown boy did let me ‘boss’ him around a bit concerning call times, where we had to be and when but honestly, more fun than that was bossing others around me and having both the power and permission to do it. Here are some examples: "I need to clear the elevator for Mr. Anka" (tiny elevator and the only one at the theatre), read between the lines as ‘get off now,’ and another, "I'm truly sorry but you can’t get on the elevator right now but feel free to take the stairs." One puzzled theatre employee seemed genuinely confused when I asked her to get off the elevator-that I had to clear it. She said something like "umm, okay so what do you want me to do?" clear the elevator I told her again "so what should I do?" get off and take the stairs I said "oh, so after or now?" Now already I told her!!!
That was just for rehearsal. On show day I actually had the ‘elevator man (hired just for show day) hold the elevator for several minutes so it would be there when Mr. Anka was ready to take his seat in the theatre. I think we held it for an entire five minutes, which was probably about how long it would have taken to wait for it with Mr. Anka, as I don’t think I was the only wrangler trying to hog the elevator. So much power. Such a tiny elevator!
Just as exciting as meeting Mr. Anka was spending some time with his hugely talented son-in-law Jason Bateman (did you know that a Bateman married an Anka?). To say that he was my major crush during Hogan's Family would not be a lie and I enjoy his new show, Arrested Development, and told him so. We chatted about being renewed and about what shows his follows here in Canada and what shows it competes with. A very down to earth guy who looks the same in person as on TV which is refreshing at this is not always the case.
It’s now show time-what we’ve been rehearsing for and the biggest part of the show for me. Walking the red carpet down Yonge Street with Mr. Anka before the show with paparazzi, fans and tons of cameras everywhere. It was both surreal and exciting. It was just like you see on Entertainment Tonight and the Pre-Emmy shows AND yes, I was caught on camera on the news and the televised red carpet and yes, it thrilled me for no apparent reason. All silliness aside though, it was a great gig and made me want to run away and join the Hollywood circus if even only for a few moments.
Since everyone has been asking I will mention some of the other talented people that I met or lent my pen to or told where the washroom was or brought both cold and room temperature water to or just walked past and smiled. There was Mr. Anka of course, his record guy Tyson, Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Buble, Tom Green (he was the MC and presented our former Prime Minister, Jean Chrétien, with a live kitten at the end of the show), Shirley Douglas (Kiefer’s mom), Helen Shaver, Alanis Morissette, dancer Rex Harrington, boxer George Chuvalo, Michael Douglas and Jason Bateman of course!
As for the show itself, it was amazing. Real, live bands with amazing performances from Alanis, who’s thank you speech was enlightening, Michael Buble’s singing tribute to Paul and of course, Mr. Anka himself, who rocked the house, literally. After being inducted, he closed the show with a tune from his new CD 'Swing Rock' and you had to be there to hear it and believe it-Paul Anka singing It's My Life by Jon Bon Jovi with a big band and all! I can’t wait to hear his interpretation of Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit.’
The entire experience was both exciting and fabulous (big word in the biz) and I’m hoping that someone’s people will call my people soon with another great gig. My family is well aware that I could drop them in a minute for the right personal assistant job if it comes with more perks than my current p.a. job that covers three people. In the meantime I’ll have to settle for some rock swing tunes on my ipod as I run around town picking up my own dry-cleaning and trying to take over the elevator at Bayshore shopping mall.